


Not overly fond of what follows

by usedupshiver



Series: Drowning Sorrows [11]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Frigga Feels, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, M/M, Thor Is Not Stupid, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 17:12:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2158662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usedupshiver/pseuds/usedupshiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After every high comes an inevitable low.<br/>Even though this visit from Asgard is more peaceful (and awkward), a friendly warning can still cut deep, and Tony is left to tend to an old wound, all on his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (I know, I know, should be a drinking related title. This quote just stuck, though. Let's just say it refers to a hangover, ok? Ok.)

The next visit from Asgard really _was_ awkward, but still not nearly as bad as Tony had feared it would be. It could have been worse. Especially since you don't exactly get a call in advance about that kind of visit. If you don't count the thunder and the lightning, but that would at best give you time to put your clothes back on. 

You know. If you had to. For some reason.

Thankfully, they didn't have to. Because when the clouds started gathering in that unnaturally fast, swirling way there was already a visitor in Stark Tower.

A large map covered the table in front of the couch, while Loki and Steve Rogers where leaning over it, discussing tactics. As always. It was an actual, good oldfashioned paper map. Tony had attempted to introduce them to an electronic alternative, but they had both turned on him with looks of disdain so identical that he gave up right there on the spot.

 _(And then had to go get himself a drink because those two, of all fucking people, were just_ not _supposed to gang up on him. Not even remotely okay!)_

So when the thunder came, followed by the rainbow pillar, Tony was almost happy about it for a moment. Sulking in a corner was not a good look on him, so he welcomed a distraction.

Thor didn't come prepared for combat this time, at least. He was, of course, still dressed in the asgardian fashion, but without the heavy battle armour. And he still seemed to make the room half the size just by coming through the door.

It was very odd seeing Thor, in his bright red and outlandish finery, coming face to face with Loki, who was, of course, not in his armour this time either. Hadn't been for quite some time, actually. He was wearing the black jeans he seemed to favour these days, and a green shirt, sleeves folded up halfway to his elbows, top button open. 

Standing next to Thor like that, all soft and casual, without the black leather bulking up his shape, he looked much slimmer and lankier than he actually was. Harmless. 

Which of course was about as far from the truth as you could get, but at least there was no need to warn Thor about making that mistake. He'd been there, done that, got the dagger in his gut to prove it, and so on.

”Brother.”

”Thor.”

Wow. The warm atmosphere in the room... Toasty! Almost made Tony want to bring out the marshmallows.

Then the two just drifted apart, no words, not reaching out to touch each other.

Thor turned to greet Steve and Tony, and then it all somehow settled into a semblance of normalcy.

Sure, that first half hour or so was the most quiet he had ever seen Thor, and the way the brightly blue eyes followed every movement in the room made Tony really selfconscious. But it also made him notice things he hadn't before. Like the way he and Loki moved when they were close. Even though they through some unspoken agreement never touched each other, they were always aware of the other, moving in some strange harmony. Dancers following choreography. Soldiers falling into formation.

Tony knew this wasn't passing Thor by unnoticed, at all.

After a while it didn't feel so bad. Tony was actually coming to strongly suspected that Thor really wasn't watching because he was judging. He wasn't looking for something to fault, for some weakness to attack. He was just trying to figure out exactly what was going on. Mostly with Tony, if the way the blue eyes primarily focused on him was any indication.

It should have bothered him, perhaps, but Tony could understand it. He really could. 

True, Tony saw himself as a grown man, and in a way he was sure they did too. Biologically speaking, Loki wasn't precisely robbing the cradle. But counting actual years lived, he was still just a baby compared to Loki. He was the weaker one, the fragile one, the less experienced one – even though he didn't feel so great thinking about it in those terms. If one of them was being taken advantage of, it sure as hell wouldn't be Loki, would it?

Tony was the one with all the disadvantages.

Loki was the one with the most to gain.

Thor was worried about that combination.

Not really rocket science, was it?

When Loki once more settled with Steve over the map, Thor finally came over to join Tony by the bar. He graciously accepted the offer of a drink, and then turned his electric gaze on Tony. This close, it was like a friendly but still powerful blow to the face.

Tony knew for a fact that Loki was not Thor's brother by blood, but damn, that intensity they both radiated, it could make you think otherwise. It was easier to miss it in Thor, because he was a bright force of charismatic happiness. For the most part. Or a bright force of charismatic ass kicking. That also made it easy to miss that he was pretty damn observant.

He was offered a short respite as Thor took a sip from his glass, then the asgardian was obviously ready to be frank.

”I spent some time telling myself that I must have imagined what I saw leaving here last time. But I did no such thing, did I?”

What was he supposed to say? Tony cleared his throat, and escaped from the searching eyes by looking into his glass.

”Well, no, you didn't.” He winced into the liquor. ”Sorry?”

Thor gave a soft huff of what might have been laughter, and Tony willed himself to face him again.

”No need to be. You look... Happy.”

”I do?” Did he? He didn't think anyone had told him that before. At least not in a very long time.

”Not just you.”

They both glanced over at Loki, grinning at something he and Steve were talking about, gesturing over that stupid map.

Yeah, that never stopped being a weird sight. The soldier and the would-be-conqueror, sharing a joke. Tony had never in a million years thought he would see something like that happen.

_(And all of this because you couldn't stop yourself from putting your curious fucking hand down his pants...)_

Tony knew the truth of that. It still blew his mind, though. Every time.

But thinking about things like that while Thor was still studying his face was clearly a mistake, as Tony felt his cheeks get slightly warmer. And he didn't think it was because of the scotch. Luckily, Thor didn't notice. Or at least didn't point it out.

On the other hand, he wasn't really moving on to more comfortable things.

”I had almost come to expect seeing him enraged.” Thor's brow furrowed, darkening his eyes. ”That was not easy. His rage was a frightening thing.”

”Yeah, tell me about it”, Tony mumbled as Thor trailed off.

”I see no trace of it now. At least not that he shows.” Thor gave him a significant look. ”That does not mean it is gone, however. Be careful, Stark.”

”I'll try.” 

That was all he could say. But seriously? How he was supposed to be careful was a fucking mystery. 

He knew the wisdom of the advice, of course. Whenever he doubted it, he could just reach for that charming memory of the sidewalk outside coming a bit too close for comfort. But, to be completely realistic, he could just either take that risk, or decide not to. There was nothing in between those alternatives.

_(Until death do us part. One way or another.)_

_(Well,_ excuse me _, but where the fuck did_ that _just come from?!)_

Now Tonys cheeks were feeling cold. He was probably pale as fucking paper. Thor was the one looking into his glass now, though, and didn't notice. Lucky as hell. He probably would have interpreted the shocked look on Tony's face in the worst way possible.

”For a long time, I failed to understand his rage.” Thor's voice was unusually soft. ”Then I came to see that in many ways, I had wronged him.”

Tony thought he might have turned even paler at that. What the hell was going on? What was this? _The Intergalactic Day of Most Unlikely Shit to Ever Happen_? Would he be getting a card?

”He was simply my brother, for longer than you can imagine.” The blue eyes came up again. ”I took him for granted. In all the things he was. And all the things he was not. And valued none of it as I should have.”

Tony understood.

Even if Thor loved his supposed brother, and Tony was sure he did, he had spent a thousand years comparing Loki to a set of measurements he just wasn't made to fit into. Not because he was better or worse. He just wasn't made that way, and none of them had known that he wasn't. The game had been rigged from the start, setting Loki up to be the obvious black sheep of the family. In all senses of the word, if Thor's colouration said anything about the parents.

Then Loki had ripped off the sheep's clothing, gone all wolf, and Thor had been forced to re-evaluate everything he thought he knew.

Tony couldn't help but be curious (as always) about what conclusion Thor would have arrived at. But he stopped himself from asking. He had a feeling he was going to find out soon anyway.

Thor had to be here for a reason, after all. Right?

”You never know what you have until it's gone, as they say.” Tony shrugged and emptied his glass.

”True words, Stark.”

They lapsed into silence. Tony poured himself another drink. A bigger one this time. This night was not being gentle on his sanity.

When he turned from the bar, Loki was watching him from the couch. He was sitting alone there now, leaning back in the seat, knees having drifted apart as they always did.

Damn, Tony couldn't get used to that either. How could a man who moved as if he controlled every single cell in his body turn into _that_ when he sat down? All casual, inappropriate slouchiness. As if his brain shouted ”at ease!”, and every muscle instantly relaxed, making the most of being off duty for a moment.

But he had no chance to get distracted by Loki's spread thighs, because the look in the green eyes studying him wasn't really a pleasant look.

_(”Be careful, Stark.”)_

Well, shit.

”Not that it's not good to see you, Thor, but I guess you had some reason to stop by?” Steve had walked up to them by the bar, and Tony was relieved when the words made Loki turn his eyes on the Captain instead.

”I did.” Thor put his glass, still half full, on the counter and turned to face the room. Or, more accurately, to face Loki. ”I have spoken with father, at great length, about this arrangement.”

Loki didn't change his careless position, but there was something tense sneaking into his face.

”He was... Not pleased, when I returned without you.”

Tony suspected this to be a spectacular understatement. The twitch of a smirk on Loki's face told him so.

”I assured him of your intentions to right your wrongs, however. And mother spoke on your behalf.”

That wiped the smirk away. Interestingly enough.

”She told father the meaning of the spells you cast. That they served the purpose you claimed to have.”

Thor and Loki stared at each other across the room.

”And?” Loki's voice was not entirely as smooth as it usually was.

”He has agreed to grant you this opportunity. To let Midgard's justice be done upon you, instead of Asgard's.”

It felt like all four of them let out a breath they had been holding, collectively.

Good news. Well, thank fuck for that. Even though it was what Tony had expected, seeing Thor arrive carrying a lot less metal parts than last time, it was still a relief to hear it.

Shortly after that announcement, Steve left for the night. And Thor moved to do the same, walking towards the stairs to the platform outside. Loki stood then, drifting closer, hesitantly, and Thor stopped, facing him.

”Give mother my thanks.” Loki blinked. He looked like he was unsure of what to do with what he had just called the woman who had raised him, but then he let it be what it was. ”Let her know I miss her.”

”I will. Brother.” Thor wasn't unsure about what to call anyone, obviously.

Loki didn't let that be what it was. 

”Why call me that?” He scowled. ”You know the lie of it by now.”

”I do.” The golden face was dead serious. ”But I also know the truth of it.”

Without waiting for any reply, Thor turned, walked up the stairs and was gone in a rainbow flash of light.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki took his usual spot by the dark window. Tony took his by the bar, refilling his glass and waiting. He knew something was coming. He didn't dare guess what, but he had a feeling it wasn't going to be pretty.

”What did you and Thor speak of?”

Tony swallowed a sigh. ”The asgardian weather forecast?”

Loki turned his head to give him a cold stare.

”Seriously? What do you think? We were talking about you, of course.”

”And what did my so-called-brother tell you, to turn you so white, Stark?”

Damn! Damn, damn, damn!

Tony tried to think fast, make something up, anything. But his mind was a blank.

”He just wanted to make sure I was all right.”

”Of course he did.” With a sneer, Loki looked back to the window. His shoulders were pulled up, slightly, as if he was expecting an attack from behind. ”Beware of the monster, Stark.” His voice was a mock imitation of Thor's.

”That's not what he -”

”You are lying.” Loki turned on his heel to face him this time.

Well, he sort of was, wasn't he? Thor hadn't used those words, and Tony didn't think that had exactly been the message. But there sure had been a warning, and the expression on Loki's face hammered the truth of it home.

He needed to be careful. But how the fuck was he supposed to be?

"Not the way you think."

"Oh, really now?" Loki drawled. "Is that the game you want to play? Is that a game you think you can win? With me?"

"Damn it, Loki!" Tony put the glass down, harder than he had to, felt the scotch slosh out over his finger and didn't care. "This is not a fucking game."

"Everything is!"

"Oh, well, thank you for letting me know! I'll be sure to remember that." The hurt lashed out with a bitter bite he couldn't hold back. "Can't let myself walk around thinking anything might actually fucking mean anything."

"What could possibly mean anything coming from me, Stark?" It was a growl now. "You knew what I was even without Thor's warning. You know what I _am_. You know what I am capable of!"

"NO, I DON'T!" The level of his own voice startled Tony. It even made Loki pull his head back a bit, surprised, but hiding it well. "I have no fucking idea what you're capable of! But you know what? Neither do you!"

"What?" Loki's frown was confused. "I know _exactly_ what -"

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that! Tell yourself you're some horrible monster, that all you know how to do is take a beating, that everything is a fucking game and that nothing you say means anything. You do that!" Tony raised a hand to point across the room. "But that's all just a load of bullshit!"

He saw Loki start to open his mouth, but Tony was having none of that. Not now. He was getting this off his chest, and that was that. Broken windows be damned!

"Shut up! I'm not done!" He hit the counter with his palm, hard enough to sting and burn. "Everything you've done these last months just proves all of that shit wrong, and you don't even see it. And it pisses me off! Hell, you just earned yourself a fucking get out of jail free card from Asgard because even _they_ see it!"

Loki just stared at him, not even trying to speak. That could mean anything, but Tony had come too far to stop now.

"Keep telling yourself everything's a game. That you don't really care. That you don't believe I do either. What the hell! Let's both pretend you don't already fucking live here! That you don't sleep in my bed every night. We've been doing a pretty great job of it so far, so why the fuck not?" Tony made an exaggerated shrug, spreading his hands. "What the hell could go wrong?"

"Everything!" Loki's voice was suddenly all gravel, his eyes wide and liquid. "Everything could go wrong, Anthony! All these warnings, and you still will not listen!"

"I told you! I always listen. I just don't give a damn!" Tony was actually, literally, pulling his hair at this point. He had had no idea people did shit like that in real life. Least of all himself. "Everything can always go wrong. That's the way it is. Fucking hell! I could wake up dead tomorrow. We don't know shit about shit! You're the one who won't listen!"

Tony drew a deep, shaky breath, let his hands fall to his sides. "I'm trying to tell you I'm willing to risk it. That I _am_ risking it! Have been risking it since you showed up to ask for that stupid drink I offered you. And I'm still here, aren't I?"

Loki blinked, and the light reflected off the single tear running down the side of his face. His lips parted, but nothing came out.

For a few silent moments they stared at each other. Then Tony started walking across the room. As he came closer, Loki actually backed away, until his back was against the pane of glass. Tony stopped, an arm's lenght away.

"That sure you're going to hurt me, are you?"

"It is what monsters do, Stark. We both know it."

"You're just a fucking sad excuse for a monster then, aren't you?"

"Are you saying I have not harmed you? More lies?"

"No. Of course you have. And I you. But I don't think you can get through life unharmed. Maybe this is news to you, but I didn't before you came along either." He tapped a finger against his arc reactor. "I survived that too."

Loki crossed his arms over his chest. "Then why so eager to risk more of it?"

"I don't think I am." Tony managed a smile. It felt frail and crooked but it was there. "Because I seem to remember this guy who wouldn't put a single blue finger on me until I talked him into it. Who had me tied and helpless and still didn't hurt me; at least not more than what was, you know, weirdly pleasurable. Who has just, well, plain _had me_ , all sorts of ways, and still never taken more than he was offered. Who stayed with me when I begged him to. But, yeah, that's just what I see. I guess you see it differently."

Tony shrugged, with a sigh. He had nothing more. If that wasn't enough, he'd just have to give up.

Loki's face was blank. He swallowed. "I guess I did."

"You see? No fucking clue what you're capable of."

Loki's arms slowly untangled themselves. He hesitated, but then he took that one step forward, closing the distance between them, his long fingers curling around Tony's shoulders.

"I still hold you for a foolish creature, Anthony. But I am truly thankful that you are."

"Well, I'll just go ahead and take that as a compliment." Tony tilted his head back to meet the now brighter green eyes. "And I really hope you're planning on kissing me right now, or I'm going to have to kick you in the shins."

The hands on his shoulders gripped him harder then, pulling him in, as Loki swept down to do as he was asked. Tony got his arms up between Loki's, combing his fingers deep into that black hair and pulling him closer.

It could have been just a kiss, but none of them was satisfied with that. It was a long, heated exchange where their lips, tongues and teeth tried saying in a new way what words were not really enough for. It didn't seem to ever want to stop, but when it finally did, Tony found the top of his back pressed against the window, Loki's hands inside the back of his pants, pushing Tony's hips forward, into his own.

Cheek to cheek, panting in each other's ear, they stayed like that for a while.

"Yeah, I really prefer this use of the window", Tony mumbled.

"Oh, yes." Loki gave a breathless little laugh against his skin that gave him chills. The good kind. "And I can think of an even better." Lips brushed him. "One day I might let the entire city get to see me have you, pushed up against it."

 _Definitely_ the good kind of chills. "Or... Right now?"

"No. I think not." Loki leaned back to look down at him, pulling his hands from Tony's pants to lean him away from the window as well, keeping those hands almost protectively splayed over his back. "I would have nothing hard or cold touching you this night. I would take you to bed, lay you down, and hold you right where I want you. By my greedy heart."

It felt like Tony's own heart had just turned to liquid in his chest. It took him a while to find words.

 _The Intergalactic Day of Most Unlikely Shit to Ever Happen_. Had to fucking be.

”I... Wow. Sure. I mean... Please?”

Loki placed a soft smile of a kiss on his lips, and then he did just what he had said he would.

And his heart didn't feel greedy at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think I hurt myself on this one. Send help.


End file.
